How I See This World

img_0050

Please remember, I coat things with sarcasm and humor so don’t go off on me. I always feel like this disclaimer is ridiculous, but some people are fuckin’ trolls.

I grew up in a loving home with two great parents and still have a strong relationship with them, and by strong I mean we love each other enough to put up with each others bullshit. And no matter where we are in this world we’re always thinking about each other. Like right now I am for no reason fuming over a 2 minute phone call I had with my dad over the situation going on in Italy right now. SUCH BULLSHIT DAD. Love you.

Here are some labels you can attach to me before you continue to read this if you are over the age of 30, conservative, a troll or all of the above. I know you will need to describe me in one of these ways because this is how you see the world.

  • Millennial
  • Woman
  • Straight
  • White
  • Liberal AF
  • Epileptic

I’m not judging the use labels, I use them as well. Here’s a good sentence for you to use “That lib, millennial white girl with epilepsy is talking shit about her parents and us boomers.” Which brings me to my first perception of the world as I know it.

When I look in a mirror, I see is crappy pale skin, freshly colored red hair (wtf was I thinking with a color labeled RED 6.66), lopsided eyebrows and girl you short AF. Those are just my first thoughts. If my dad were to look in the mirror here’s what he would say:

Straight ,white male father. And, a full head of salt and pepper hair that is insane, my dad knows he has fantastic hair.

My mother:

White, mother, fat (I’ve heard you say it mom), graying hair, short, female.

When they look at each other: I’m not even going to go there. That’s a dark place.

Why do I see things differently than them? After all, I grew up with them, they raised me and taught me. I’ve realized I don’t want to be like them, or live the way they do. I want different things so I see different things. I am in no way claiming that I don’t use labels to describe some one, I am a human asshole as well.

I don’t like they way they live, what they do, how they talk about a lot of things. Therefore, I don’t see what they see. The world they grew up in, sucked ass. My mother was raised in a poor, sexist/racist, hillbilly town in Arkansas that didn’t have math classes advanced enough for her. My father was raised by a Roman Catholic single mother in an extremely racially divided city in New York from the early 50’s-80’s and got into a lot of trouble. They struggled, and they worked so hard to escape these places. Yet, when they describe “back in the day” it’s like they miss it. When something comes up that involves change, they don’t want it and can’t see it(at least until it’s too late). They have this jaded view of the world and how it works for them. They accuse me of the same and it’s true, I can get the same tunnel vision. It takes an extreme action for them to step back and look at something from different perspectives.

The world works different in my eyes and experience. I see similar things, but with the opposite thoughts of what they think. They see people protesting and say “cry babies”, I say “cool”. Why? Because that’s just what people do! To them, people put their heads down and move on with their lives. To me both of these situations have a proper place and time. I also can see when neither of those situations is appropriate and a few ways it could be different. They see one situation, form one opinion and stick with it.

I sit in a chair and think “Holy shit everything is like 90% space, I wonder what this chair looks like in an alternate universe.” I am out there in my sciencey scifi (blame the Klonopin) world thinking about what the rover on Mars is looking at while writing basically everything that’s on my mind.

People like simplicity, it’s comfortable. I like chaos, it’s the way our universe is. There is a disorder to everything and we need to arrange it in its proper way in order to understand it. My way involves, learning, writing, sharing my dumb experiences and starting arguments with people who disagree with me. It’s a never-ending task that will forever rule my life, it’s the nature of my universe.

Do my parents see it that way? No. They draw upon their own knowledge and leave it at that most of the time.They’re comfortable with it, which is why we argue so often. Like I said earlier, it takes something extreme to make them see through a different lens. My “lens” feels as big as the Hubble telescopes, everything has yet to be seen, and it’s getting some bitchin’ upgrades. Every time there is an upgrade we see deeper into the universe, we’re not even a frickin’ speck in this universe. So why focus so hard on keeping it simple and unchanging?

It’s called entropy, it’s the law of the universe. Your “order” is slowly changing and getting scrambled, so stop fighting it and go with the flow. If you took this personally, I don’t care, get over it.

One last thought to leave you with, we’re all made of star stuff (Carl Sagan). The same basic elements that formed this solar system are in us all. So when you hate on another, you hate on yourself.

That’s how I see this world.

 

Leave a Reply