For fucks sake make it stop.

Every single day I experience these three things and everyday I get through it, but right now it’s getting me angry. Also, the guy in the unit below me who thinks that his harmonica playing though a shitty speaker sounds great is grating on my nerves as well. No, it does not sound good, you suck. The only acceptable harmonica playing is in Billy Joel’s Piano Man, that’s it, and even that is pushing it a bit.  And when you sing it sounds like you’re crying, WTF is this shit? Since when is it ok to just blast music as loudly as possible in a small apt. complex?  I’ll tell  you when, NEVER.  Ok, rant over…for now.

I feel like with the amount of drugs I have to take just to make it through a day my liver is going to she shot in just a few years. I’ve tried everything. It feels like a juggling act.

Here’s just a glimpse into what I consider a bad day. By no means is this as bad as it could be, but it sure as hell pisses me off from time to time. Also, don’t compare this to you or anyone else. I realize there are millions who have it worse off, it’s just rant.

Wake up:

• Decide if its real life or if I’m still asleep, nope it’s real.
• Take your pill.
• Have some coffee (but not too much, because it makes the tremors worse).
• Attempt to eat some kind of breakfast.
• Become nauseous from doing so.
• Take nausea medication, chew ginger gum, anything to make it stop.
• Try to get some work done.
• Time for your second pill, hands are shaking pretty bad so oops, there goes a spilt bottle of Klonopin. Time to pick it all up.
• Headache comes, take some tylenol.
• Can’t have coffee to counteract the fatigue I’m feeling by this time in the day.
• Try to eat some more, this time it’s better.
• Get more work done.
• Headache is still there, take some more tylenol (maybe try Motrin this time, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t).
• Had a bad myoclonic jerk and my fingers slammed into my desk corner, lets hope the tylenol/motrin help.
• Work some more, getting really pissed about my shitty decision to take an art history class. I don’t like it, so my next discussion post will sound super bitchy but meet all necessary criteria (because I get shit done, I just do it my way).
• Realize I’ve been sitting in the same chair for a few hours and probably had  a few absence seizures. I forgot to set my 30min alarm to keep me on track.
• Fuck, it’s time to make dinner. Let’s try something that doesn’t involve a knife.
• Finally, I get to just have dinner, relax with my boyfriend and god damn it it’s time for my pill.
• Hope I can fall asleep at a normal time so that the next day, I can get more shit done in a better state(less tired maybe?). But my brain is still running at the speed of light and churning out thought after thought about how crazy I feel.
• Watch some Star Trek, the only thing that can take my mind of off whatever is rattling around up in there. Recently been re-watching DS9, I think the Bajorans have it worse than me.
• Take some benadryl to help ease me into sleep, not remcommended for long term use, but hey, a girl needs her sleep. Fuck off labels.

This lovely shit list doesn’t include days when I have to physically go to class, or my days “off” which are never it seems. There is always some kind of work to be done. This is just a nice little overview of a day in my life. How glamorous! Did I mention I usually stay in my giant fluffy white robe the entire time, so fashionable. I am no beauty vlogger, it ain’t pretty.

I also just realized I’ve been clenching my jaw since I woke up. I don’t have dental insurance so…fuck it.