Genetics and Me

We’re not the best of friends.  But we have an ongoing relationship.

I was not blessed with the best health, that much is very clear. But, let me detail what genetics has so graciously given me.

  1. Dysfunctional gallbladder in the form of biliary dyskinesia.
  2. Pale ass skin that burns even when in indirect contact with the sun.
  3. Epilepsy – What Time Travel Feels Like (Epileptic Absence Seizures at a Glance)
  4. Essential Tremor – About Essential Tremor
  5. Lactose intolerance – like bad
  6. Bad eyesight.
  7. A stupid addiction to soda that I keep trying to quit but can’t because I have no willpower.
  8. Endometriosis – Endometriosis and How I Fixed It
  9. Giant ears, I look like Dumbo with my hair pulled back.
  10. I’m short.

I know that’s a lot of shit. And the last two are very vain, but you know what they’re my problems. I am grateful I don’t have a gallbladder anymore. I’m just waiting for my appendix to burst because that would happen to me.

So, why am I so clearly blessed yet I’ve got family and friends who literally never catch a single cold? I have no fucking idea, but I am mad as hell about it. Genetics is not my forté. I wish I could explain it but I also don’t have a great genetic family history because the people who I think had issues like mine are all dead or long gone.


At least I have a sense of humor because I don’t know I would get through all of this crap that piles onto my life seemingly every couple of months.

My next steps are to try and get a handle on the latest shitstorm and truly find out which family members genetics screwed me over. I know there is a lot more to find out from my family history on both sides. I have family that just doesn’t talk about any frickin’ issue. Especially things like depression, bipolar, or even if they are just sad that day. So growing up my mother and father never heard about anything unless it was dire. Every once in a while something will come up in passing and be very casual like “oh you didn’t know your great aunt died of ovarian cancer?” NO! That’s kind of something a girl needs to know when she’s filling out her family history at the gynecologist. If you didn’t know them you sure as hell won’t find out about their medical histories in my family.


Occasionally I pry for details because my doctors ask me almost every visit if I’m sure a family member didn’t have my condition/illness. I just say I am not sure, they’re all dead or straight up disappeared. I am a genetic mess and a mental mess (probably genetics) because of this ridiculous struggle.

Luckily, I love cilantro, Brussel sprouts and will never go bald. I’ll trade not going bald for lactose intolerance any day. They have some decent cheese and creamer alternatives I actually like. That sounds so sad, and pathetic. I miss pizza. There is no alternative to a freakin’ great cheese pizza. When I find out who had this crap and passed it on there’s gonna be a fight.


Sorry if you expected a real talk about genetics and science, but I’ve got nothing.


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